For some reason it’s dated 31 December 2024, however, as it only arrived this week I count it as the first (of probably many) TV Licensing letters of 2025. And it’s a bit bland and disappointing:

I don’t know, is that the best they can do to start the year? Are their creative writers all on holiday? No new scary threat?

All it does is rolling out the same old tropes we’ve already had several times. Only to tell me that they’ve opened an investigation. How does that work? You already opened one, I have plenty of letters telling me that already. How can you send me an “official notice” then telling me you’re doing an investigation, considering you’ve been doing that for the last year?

Are you that inefficient? Shouldn’t you be getting somewhere by now?

Well, let’s see what the next letter will bring, hopefully it will be a bit more exciting.

My last TV Licensing threatening letters update was back in October, time for a bumper update with not just one but two letters. Two for the price of one. The first one I found after returning from a holiday in November. It had a rather stark message:

OFFICIAL NOTICE
PLEASE READ CAREFULLY
You are breaching the Communications Act 2003 if you do not have a TV Licence to cover you for:

Now that’s a rather worrying introduction, bluntly accusing me of breaking the law. But let us read on.

• Watching or recording live TV on any channel or device
• Everything on BBC iPlayer

Ah. I do neither of those. So why do you open with such an accusing and threatening tone?

The rest of the letter is mostly the usual blurb about their (non-existing) investigation and that I should expect a visit.

The second letter arrived this month in December in another red envelope. Considering that they know my name from when I was previously registered as not needing a licence I’m still fascinated by their insistence of addressing me as “Legal Occupier”. Just like all the scam texts and emails use generic terms…

Dear Legal Occupier,
As you have not responded to our letters yet, you have left us no alternative but to proceed with the final stages of our investigation.
An Officer has been scheduled to visit [address] to find out if TV is being watched, recorded or downloaded illegally. The Officer may visit your property any day of the week, morning or evening.

I’m confused. Has the “Officer” been scheduled or may they visit any day? Which is it?

The rest is again some of the usual blurb, pretty much all irrelevant. For the simple reason all I have to tell the “Officer” is: “No TV licence is required at this address, please update your records. Thank you and good bye”.

That should conclude 2024. What will 2025 bring? I doubt there will actually be a visit, just more letters. One every month.

Following on from the Red Letter more strange communication from TV Licensing. This time they are asking a rather strange question in big blue (blue? why blue? Have you run out of red ink?) letters:

Will you be in on 30th October?

That’s a rather personal question. And I’d say also none of your business. But then I suspect that’s a rhetorical question, as obviously you wouldn’t announce your visits, as anyone not wanting to speak to you would simply conveniently be out that day. But let’s read on.

As there’s no record of a TV Licence at your address, you should expect a visit from an Enforcement Officer.

It may be on the 30th October or another day. You could [lots of threats we’ve heard plenty times before]

Thought so. More empty promises. Or should that be threats?

So let’s see what happens next. Who knows, they might still surprise me and there will really be a visit. But I doubt that. Probably just another letter.

So my “10-Day Window” expired in early September and I was wondering when I would hear from TV Licensing again. On Friday the letter arrived and it wasn’t just any letter. No, they pulled out all the stops and sent me a red letter:

No plain envelope, but a bright red one. From the “The Legal Occupier” I knew it was going to be from TV Licensing. So what would they say this time?

WE DID NOT HEAR FROM YOU.
This address is still unlicensed

No, really? You don’t say. Of course it is unlicensed. Because it doesn’t need one. Which I would have told you ages ago if you had been a bit friendlier. But you chose violence.

We wrote to tell you we were giving you 10 days to get correctly licensed – free from the risk of an enforcement visit.

Which I did. I didn’t get a licence as I don’t need one. So my side of the job is done as far as I’m concerned.

Your case has been escalated to the Enforcement Team covering [full post code], so you can now expect a visit from an Enforcement Officer.

Wow, a whole team covering 29 flats? Isn’t that a bit much? I’ll be waiting. Well, not really. If they’re lucky I’ll even open the door, to tell that no licence is needed at my address. And that would be it.

PS: I expect no visit any time soon will happen, just more pointless threatening letters.